So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
It's just like the Real World with babies
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
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