and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Randomize
