I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Randomize
