and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
