last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
How does it feel to date your dad?
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Randomize
