We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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