i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
