Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
