The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
Randomize
