I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
