I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
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