Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
