he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
Damn victory sex feels great
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
Randomize
