chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
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