Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
