I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
