I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize