whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
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