How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
