I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
