How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
