Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
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