uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
I didn't notice because vodka
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
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