i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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