ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
I AM VODKA MAN
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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