I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
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