How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How does it feel to date your dad?
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
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