smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
