im having a threesome with these popsicles
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
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