Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Randomize
