If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
Randomize
