Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
