Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
this will be a night to untag.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
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