I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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