Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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