I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
