Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
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