I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
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