Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
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