so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Randomize
