Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
Randomize
