The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Randomize
