you win again, gameday.
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
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She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
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I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
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