in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
