you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Randomize
