Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
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