all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
I think I just shit out all my problems.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
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