Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
