he shaved USA in his pubs
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
Randomize
