the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
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