so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Randomize
