You really coming over, don't trick.
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
I fill condoms, not promises.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize
