I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
you made out with another girl for some wings
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
