i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
