I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
