in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
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