I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
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You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
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There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
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