Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
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