He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
